Just Thinking....

"Opportunities are never lost. Someone takes the ones you miss."

I believe this quote wholeheartedly. Therefore, I'm trying my hardest to soak up and rock out every opportunity that's presented! My grandpa says, "Can't never could do anything." I use to really hate when he'd tell my sister and I that, because it was generally when we were whining about having to clean something or straighten something up. Ha! But now that I'm older, I've realized that the only way to make things happen for yourself is to get up and do things yourself. Things REALLY aren't going to be handed to you. *gasp!*

I'm really lucky that I had a Daddy who constantly planted the yearning inside me to make something of myself. He would always talk about how it takes hard work and the drive to apply yourself to achieve the things you want to achieve.

I have crazy high hopes and goals that, to some, might seem unreachable... but I don't see it that way at all. Everything CAN be reached... but Daddy was right - It DOES take hard work. Crazy hard work. But I wouldn't trade it for anything. Sometimes I get really worn out and sometimes I feel like I don't have much of a social life anymore... but I just keep praying, and I know that God is going to use it all. I believe with all my heart that I'm going to be where I want to be one day... .and that helps me get through my "Character Building Years." I'm so thankful for these years too... because I'm having to humble myself in so many different ways. I wish my life was glamorous right now... but it's not at all. My apartment is still pretty much bare of furniture, my refrigerator has about three things in it, my car is missing three hub caps (lol!), I don't own any technology that starts with the lowercase "i", and I'm always faced with the decision of buying super cute shoes or eating dinner for the next two nights. The shoes generally win.

Dad was right... Life is about working your butt off to make things happen for yourself and the sacrifices you may have to make to seize opportunities. I'm so happy. I'm so happy things are the way they are right now. Granted, some days I may complain, but I know that I'm still smack dab in the center of the Lord's will for my life. He promises that everything happens for the good and He has a plan and a hope for my future. I'm so fortunate that I've learned early that money isn't everything... joy and happiness come from somewhere that you can feel... but isn't tangible at all. It's in the attitudes that you choose for your day and the attitudes you choose for others. I'd rather have the joy of building REAL friendships with people instead of the motive to step on them to advance. I'd rather do things the right way and work harder... than do things the wrong way because it might seem easier.

Chances are ALWAYS worth taking. Every Opportunity is ALWAYS worth pursuing. When it's all said and done... we're either going to succeed or we're going to fail. But failure is just a new beginning, because then...the joy in the journey starts all over again.

It's Time to Start Stirring Things Up!

I am a very loyal and committed person. When I do things I do them whole-heartedly and with every bit of passion that I have inside me. When I love people, I love them with a strong, genuine affection that embroiders itself into my heart. This is why goodbyes are not my strong suits. I have a hard time letting go of past memories because at some point or another they have made a huge impact on my heart. So I cling to them and cherish them…. but I don’t like living off of memories. I like making memories.

This morning's church service reminded me that lately, that’s all I’ve been doing…living off of memories instead of making them. I’ve been clinging to what isn’t there anymore to avoid having to start anew. Starting over is hard. It’s hard to get out and make things happen. It takes work to get to know people, time, and energy. I’ve had some of the best friends ever and when we all had to move on it was so hard to let go. I told myself that I wasn’t going to let myself make friends like that again until I finally got settled and could stay put to where nobody would have to say goodbye. I tried my best to close myself off to others when I had short term stays in different towns, but that didn’t really work. It was hard to not love people. So…I made more friends and held onto them…and once again when it was time to move on…it hurt.

So here I am. I’ve been in Atlanta for 10 months now and have yet to get settled. I still have unpacked boxes in my apartment, I still haven’t committed to a church home, a bible study, or any type of small group. I still haven’t allowed myself to get close to people…. All because I’ve trained my heart to stay closed. NOW…I’m finally in the place that I feel I’m going to stay at for a while (because I’m praying for my job to prosper) and I just can’t bring myself to let go and finally settle. I’ve been moving and moving and moving for six years, so yeah… it’s understandable to be afraid to dive in and get involved because I’m scared I’m gonna have to pack up and leave again. But this time I don’t. I don’t have to go anywhere. I can finally commit again. I can make new friends and let them into my life. I can pursue fully what God has planned for me. I can start making things happen right here where I'm at, because this is where I've been called and by letting fear rule in my heart...I'm missing out on the best days of my life. It's time to stop being safe and making excuses.... it's time to stop going out of town to live my life as if it were someplace different...it's time to start shakin' things up right here in Atlanta. Granted I had absolutely no intentions of ever living in Atlanta.... but God had different plans.... and He has put me here, so now I need to open my heart and embrace it and I'm sooooo ready to do that. Living a life that's based on what use to be... is stopping me from living a life based on what could be.

So here I am Lord, I'm ready to start living out life here in Fayette and Fulton county. I am ready to start getting involved again and meeting people an stirring things up. I'm ready to start taking better care of myself and embracing the fullness of life... and that includes the people that are only in it for a season. I declare that I will not be scared of being hurt, because happiness and sadness are apart of the bigger picture.

So here are my early New Year's Resolution (I guess, since it's so close to 2011)
*I am going to start working out in the mornings before work again.
*I am going to start attending the same church regularly (and stop church hopping)
*I am going to sign up for a Women's Bible Study that starts in January
*I am going to get involved in a co-ed small group and start meeting new people and opening up life for brand new adventures...and brand new friendships filled with true compassion.


Well there it is....I've shared way more information than I wanted....but it's true. I have to stop living as if this season of life and it's location is temporary. So what if it is? The fullness comes from soaking it up. I'm about to do that.... in more ways than one.

The Character Building Years

Ah yes…. The Character Building years

Definition?

The years of early adulthood where you learn that the key to survival is simply to survive. It’s the years of sacrificing your wants for your needs…. or sometimes your needs for your wants. It’s the years of car payments, eating Indian style on the floor because you don’t have furniture while you watch the same movies over and over again because you don’t have cable. It’s the years of sitting in the parking lot of McDonalds to use their free Wi-Fi so that you can log onto the internet to pay a bill because you don’t have the money for the stamp to mail in your check or the gas to drive directly to the place. Then you pray that the site really is secure so you don’t have to deal with identity theft. Not that they would have much to steal anyway. It’s packing everything that you own into a small little car and going to the next adventure because God says so. It’s sleeping in your car on long trips, because you’re exhausted and can’t afford a hotel room. It's living on a dream and doing what it takes to make your dream a reality.

Along with that… it’s the years of learning who you are. There’s a lot of trial and error of who you want to be in life. It’s making up your mind and changing your mind. It’s dreaming of where you’ll be in five years when you’re (hopefully) out of the character building years. It’s a lot of living in the moments and absorbing the innocence of beginnings. Just the same…it’s living out of the moments and planning for the future. Daydreaming takes up a lot of your time. You have a vision of your future and you're doing everything you can to get there.

But the best thing about the character building years is what you learn. You learn that money really isn’t everything. You learn that being with people is one of the best medicines to a lonely heart. Friends come in and out your life. You lose touch with old friends and gain touch with new friends. You find yourself turning to God for everything, and you rely of Him for directing your next steps. You learn that humility is one of the best things to keep your heart genuine and getting everything that you want is over rated. You learn to love what you have and to cling to what you love. Pride goes out the window in the character building years. You have to swallow it down without any water. There are many things that you need help with, and you have no choice but to graciously accept an offer from someone who lends it….then immediately brainstorming of the way that you want to bless them back for helping you. It’s giving and taking. It's encouraging others when they're discouraged....it's listening to others when you're discouraged.

It’s the years of making mental notes of all the paying it forward that you’ll be doing once you’re finally able to stand on your own two feet. These years inspire you to want to be that person who helps other people, because of all the people who have helped you. It’s training for understanding how others feel, because you’ve been there. They’re years of embarrassing moments, lots of laughing at yourself, and just knowing that you’re living in the moments that you’ll one day tell your grandchildren about. It’s the years of being molded by the Refiner’s fire, and then being the vessel that sails in the wide open waters and reaches the destination. It's loving life and EVERYTHING that comes with it. I wouldn’t change these years for anything, they’re a part of my life and who I am and who I’m going to be. These are the years that truly build your character.

Open Wounds

A week ago I was in a chaotic type of accident. It is really complicated to try and explain, but it left my legs all bruised, scraped, and wounded. Too, I got this crazy gash on my finger that-oddly-never bled, but it hurt like crazy. My knees, however, that's a different story. The wounds on my knees were pretty deep, and I'm still in recovery with having to change my bandages twice a day.My legs have become such an eyesore to me. I get so upset when I change my bandages, because I fear that the open wounds are going to eventually close up into ugly scars.

The physical wounds on my legs aren't the only open wounds that I've received this year. My heart has been pierced so many times in the past few months, it is still recovering and will occasionally bleed through the bandage that covers it. There have been several moments where I felt as if I were smack dab in the middle of some crazy Lifetime movie just praying for the channel to change. Instead of the channel changing though, it seemed as if I only got brief commercials that would allow me to breathe for a moment, but then I'd be right back in the movie with another twist of events. However....as much as it felt like a movie... it wasn't a movie. It was reality. The difference between reality and a movie, though, is the ending is still being written.

I could choose to sink down into the depression of my pain or I could choose a "bring-it-on" type of attitude. I am a true believer in stories...good stories. I know that every moment has the potential to be a good story. I know that God works everything for the good, and I happen to believe that the "good" is referring to the "good" story that will be told from crazy life events. The thing with a good story is it has the potential of being told, and if it's told right... it can inspire somebody else.

If I were to wallow in the blows of life, I'd be so full of misery I wouldn't know what to do with myself. But wow...to take the alternative and to swallow hard, to wipe the tears (but still carry a box of Kleenex) and to face the things that break our hearts head on is so much more beneficial. Pain is always going to be around. It's always going to come unexpectedly, and it's only goal is to make us fall completely apart. BUT...we don't have to fall apart. We can face the biggest tragedies of our life and still walk away in tact with only a few open wounds. Of course those wounds may still bleed through the bandages months later, but I'd much rather be healing from an open wound, with the possibility of a scar....rather than trying to mend the broken pieces that could shatter again in an instant. After all, a scar can be a beautiful thing if the story is told right. :)

Hmmm....come to think of it, my legs don't look all that bad after all. :)

Good Things Happen to Good People :)

I just have to tell this story.... my heart is just so touched right now.


Today I went for dinner with one of my BFF's to Applebees. I took exactly enough cash that I knew would get me through the evening. I had it all budgeted out and everything.


Well, when we go to pay, I pay with the cash that I had and waited for the change to leave the tip. I credit myself as a good tipper. Meaning I will leave you a nice tip regardless of the service... but if I have a waiter or waitress that is awesome and wonderful... I will tip them above average. I don't know... even if I don't have a lot of money, I just have this overwhelming urge to leave good tips. I've never been a waitress, but I have worked in a restaurant, and I guess I just know what it means to them...being on their feet all day, serving, and having to work really hard for someone to come in and not leave them a dime. It's just not right.


Anyway...back to tonight... I had paid for my meal, and when the girl came back to give me my change... I realized that I only had a dollar returned. I totally mis-calculated. I was soooo upset, because this particular waitress was outstanding. In my opinion, she did such a great job...too, I felt like we could have been friends. So I asked my friend, Christina, if she had any cash... all she had was a dollar. I just didn't feel that two dollars was enough.


So I flagged the waitress over, and I told her what was going on.....I literally felt like a horrible person. I told her that she did such a FANTASTIC job, but I only had two dollars to give to her. She was so gracious and she assured me that it was "okay." However, I said... no it's not.... you deserve more of a tip...and I offered for her to take it off my debit card. However, she couldn't take anything off my debit card without a purchase. But truth be told... I didn't have it on my debit card to give to her... that's why I paid in cash. I then asked her how often she worked there, and she said she only came on the weekend...because she went to school during the week. That made me feel even worse, because I know how it feels to be in school and living completely on the edge with 10 cents to your name.


Anyway, she kept telling me it was alright, and I kept telling her that it wasn't... and told her that I almost wanted to ask her for her PO Box #. Haha! She probably thought I was psycho... but you just don't understand how bad I felt. Here I was about to leave a $2 tip for this girl who went over the call of duty to make our meal wonderful. I then did the desperate thing... I dumped out my change purse on the table... that maybe had 46cents altogether. Haha!


Anyway, I was leaving her a nice note (because that's just the kind of person I am...a note writer) and as I was leaving her a note... I see something flying at me in my peripheral vision... I look up and there is money flying at me. This random guy walked up to our table... pulled some money out of his wallet, and tossed it down on our table and walked away before I could even utter "thank you."


It was such a blessing, so I flagged the waitress back and I told her what happened. She was just laughing and completly blessed... and I told her that the guy had just come out of nowhere... and I told her that it was totally God blessing her. She quickly agreed and we had a huggy bonding moment. It was so sweet. My heart was so happy and blessed... I could have cried. It just meant that much to me.


So I finished writing my note and I concluded it with that verse in Luke 6.... "give and it will be given to you, a good measure, pressed down, shaken together, and running over will be poured into your lap."


It's the chain of love....

Things Could’ve Changed Just Like That…

I was so eager to get off on time today at work. For several days now I have been working over, merely because of the fact that I’m OCD and don’t like to leave until everything is finish. Well, sometimes it’s just not possible and I have to learn to let it go and leave it for the next day. So that’s exactly what I was bound and determined to do this afternoon. I was going to leave right at the time I was supposed to get off. I was a little upset though, because I had already went 30 minutes over the time that I told myself I was going to leave by because traffic gets really bad in particular time frames. Then I saw it was pouring, I mean POURING down rain. As I grabbed my stuff and headed to the door… I caught myself turning around and walking back to my desk. What’s the point? I might as well stay and work a little more because rain in Atlanta means the traffic is going to be worse than normal. All I could think about was how I would have to sit in the traffic, watch my car’s temperature gauge run hot, then having to turn my heat on full blast to take away from the temperature rising and not being able to roll down my windows to release the heat from my car. I’d have to just sit there and swelter into a puddle. However, I had made a promise to myself that I would not stay late that day, because it was starting to become a routine. So I needed to draw myself a line. So I just decided to leave and prayed that I wouldn’t get stuck in the rain and sweat with the heat on in my car to keep my car from overheating.

So here’s where the story really begins. As I was exiting off the exit ramp to merge onto the interstate (the six lane interstate, mind you) something super scary happened. I almost crashed! Here’s what happened…it was raining so hard, it was hard to see. I had my wipers on as fast as they would go and I wasn’t driving no more than 30 miles an hour. Well, there was a car in front of me, and I saw it hydroplane on the water. When it did that, the car’s tires slung a waterfall of water up on my windshield and I couldn’t see ANYTHING but water. It was so much water, it overpowered my windshield wipers. To make it worse, it the midst of not being able to see, my car then started to hydroplane. It was like everything then went in slow motion. The water on my windshield seemed to become still in a freeze-framed photograph and I looked at my hands on the steering wheel and thought to myself, “ So this is what it feels like before you get in a major crash.” I just felt it coming. Because I was on an exit ramp, merging onto the six lane interstate and my car was hydroplaning and swerving to the left… I just knew that I was about to have cars crashing into me. To make it even worse, I knew they were going to hit my driver door, because that’s just the way the car had swerved.

But for a moment… it’s just as if time had frozen. Everything went so very slow and I even had time to think, “don’t tense up… you’re not suppose to tense up when you prepare to brace yourself for a car accident.” Then I heard it…. it’s like the radio had been mute the whole time, but then I heard it… as my life was flashing before my eyes… I heard Chris Tomlin singing “Amazing Grace” so softly, so slowly on the radio. Then Psalm 91:11 came to my mind, “For He will command His angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways.” Then I closed my eyes…(yes while driving… at this point I had submitted to the crash.) I mean..it was probably for a split second, but it seemed like eternity. Then all of a sudden, when I opened my eyes.. the water on my windshield had gone away and I could see the road and tried to regain control of the car again. I had swerved on the exit ramp, but although I should have already been on the interstate, I had stayed on the exit ramp and pulled myself back into my lane. It was a true miracle. It was the Lord. It totally was…

Then I did what any mature young adult would do after such an intense experience… I called my Mama. I was shaking so bad and crying, I thought I would have to stop the car. I would of had to stop the car, but traffic had already done that for me. I had never been so thankful in my life to be stuck in Atlanta traffic. To make it more cooler? I sat in traffic for a long time too, and not once did my car run hot nor did I have to turn the heat on. THAT was God. I felt so lucky and blessed and protected. Thank the Lord I was safe, because it could have been really bad. Things could’ve changed in an instant…just like that. BAM. But... thankfully I had Amazing Grace...

Family Matters

I don’t know if many people know this or not, but for the last six months I have been welcomed to live in the home of a wonderful family…the King family. It’s so cool, because last summer it was such a God-ordained thing. I had applied for two internships for last summer… “CMT” and “gmc.” I really never expected to get either of the two internships. The cool thing? CMT called to accept me into their internship program in Nashville, but they had made a mistake. Instead of accepting me for the summer of 2009, they accepted me for the spring. The cool part comes in later, because after I was accepted to intern with CMT for the Spring, gmc called and accepted me for the summer. So… had CMT not accepted me for the spring, I wouldn't have been able to do both internships. God is so cool like that!

Anyway, I am getting off track with my story. So back to my internship with gmc. I didn’t have a place to stay in Atlanta and I couldn’t afford an apartment by myself for 3 months on an internships salary (which is $0.00.) So I reached out to some friends of mine, and they reached out to their friends. One sweet and precious family prayed about it, and decided to welcome me… a total stranger…into their home. So I stayed here for six weeks last year. Then I just felt the Lord calling me back to gmc after graduation, so I came back for a continuation of my internship. I reached out to the family again and once more they welcomed me back into their home. I was only going to stay here for six more weeks, but then gmc invited me to take a part on their team! At the time, I also had another job opportunity, so I began to pray over the two and I knew in my heart that I was to stay here in Atlanta. Which is funny, because-at the time- there wasn’t anything in Atlanta that appealed to me. It’s so neat how the Lord changes our heart.

So, after praying about it and hearing from the Lord, clear as a bell, I accepted the job with gmc and was invited to stay with the King family as long as I needed to.

Now that you have the back-story… here is the absolutely wonderful part about this family. They have a 14-year-old daughter, Olivia. Olivia is sick. She has been for several years. She is in complete need of a liver transplant, and up until now Mr. King was searching for employment all while being a student working on his second college degree. Having said that, it just brings tears to my eyes and makes me completely misty too know that this self-less family decided to take this random college student into their home and put a shelter over her head. God is completely amazing, because I have fallen completely in love with this family and feel as if I really am apart of their family. I just can’t get over the love of Jesus that they have shown to me by just allowing me to live with them. I’m now preparing to move, and they have made it clear to me that they don’t want me to go. I can’t think of many people that would honestly feel that way after having a stranger live with them… you’d figure they’d be ready for me to leave. But no… wow. Makes me cry to feel so extremely loved.



Anyway, sweet Olivia turned 14 today, and I’m sitting here listening to the ice cream maker going, smelling the corn cobs roasting on the grill, and watching everyone run around the house with complete joy. Friendship. Love. Dinner is almost ready and we’ll all sit down together, as Family, to eat and celebrate another year of Olivia’s life. Liv is getting ready to transplant sometime this summer, and I know God has great things planned for her life after this. She truly is my mini me and I can tell that she looks up to me. I love that, because at 14, I can still name each person that had an affect on my life. I’m glad that I am able to be apart of hers and this great family. Just watching what this sweet girl has gone through in her life, and how she still has so much “life” in her spirit, it’s totally inspiring. It’s amazing how someone so young can teach someone who is ten-year-older than her so much. It’s so cool how God works too, Olivia has always wanted a sibling… and I’ve always wanted a younger sister. It’s a winning situation. But… you always win with God. Yeah. Thank you, Jesus.